I should probably explain why the banner on this post is a pooey bum and a roll of toilet paper gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. Today’s two posts are about bottoms. There is no real reason for this except that I find it funny.

Andrex is the only brand of toilet paper I have ever written an Amazon review about. For the last two and a bit years, as a student I have made do with the cheapest own-brand toilet rolls I could find. After so long, I had forgotten how real toilet paper felt. Recently I decided to treat myself/my bottom and buy Andrex which claimed to be ‘famously soft’. Little did I know, a revolution was about to take place in my backside.


How can I tell you and make you believe me?
Just ask yourself, ‘why would this young man deceive me?’
I broke with the old, I abandoned the glum
Now cushiony clouds are caressing my bum

Andrex is the blessing, my bum is the bliss
My bum is the lover, Andrex is the kiss
Andrex is the tenner, my bum is the purse
My bum is the leper, Andrex is the nurse

How to explain such a wondrous sensation?
Why I delight in a damp defecation?
Toilet time tingles my tummy with glee
The dark days are over! My bum, it is free!

Andrex is the wimple, my bum is the nun
My bum is the butter, Andrex is the bun
Andrex is the sailor, my bum is the sea
My bum is the nectar, Andrex is the bee

Dear Andrex, no words could describe such delights
Your delicate dab, then my soul, it ignites!
Nature never provided a softness above you
Like wiping my bum with a whispered ‘I love you’

Andrex is the lily, my bum is the lake
My bum is the icing, Andrex is the cake
Andrex is the Ann, my bum is the King Kong
My bum is the singer, Andrex is the song

Glowing with heavenly light

Glowing with heavenly light


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