The Qualmful Buttock’s Maiden Voyage



I recently went for a walk around St Katherine Docks with my family. All of the boats in the dock had names like ‘Endeavour’ or ‘Persistence’ or ‘The Lady of the Manor’. I suddenly had a new life ambition. I wanted to buy a boat and name it something ridiculous before parking it up between ‘Solitude’ and ‘The Anne’. Thus was born ‘The Qualmful Buttock’.

Qualm n. A misgiving or uneasiness about an action, task, person etc

The Qualmful Buttock’s Maiden Voyage

The Qualmful Buttock slid down the slipway
Manned by Captain Tremulode
With apprehension due his name
About the Buttock’s prow he strode

It’s sister ship, The Quivering Nipple
Set off beneath a darker sky
As Captain Languid knew deep down
He led his crew to sea to die

But by some strange concatenation
Sister ships set sister course
Colliding in a nervous wreck
Two simpering sacks of wet remorse


Concatenation n. A series or chain of events, things or sounds that are interlinked or dependent on each other

A ship drifts on a still and foreboding ocean


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